


Bitter Step

by KlonoaDreams



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bad Parenting, Childhood Trauma, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Eventual Romance, Family Feels, Female Senju Tobirama, Gen, Let them have fun, Minor Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pre-Naruto Canon Era, Self-Insert, Warring States Period (Naruto), Worldbuilding, kids being kids
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2019-10-07 16:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17369411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KlonoaDreams/pseuds/KlonoaDreams
Summary: It all starts when you're born in the middle of a battlefield, and it's only downhill from there. And really, it doesn't get any better from here. [SI, Self-insert as fem!Tobirama]





	1. The First Step

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ShadedCat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadedCat/gifts).



> Noa, back it again with that self-insert bullshit to start the New Year! And before anyone gets on my ass for it, I had this fic planned for THREE years, and only now, am I posting it because…well…
> 
> It’s a birthday gift to my dear friend, **ShadedCat**! About a year ago, I brought this fic’s concept up to them and like, there was a pairing they especially loved that came with it, so I decided if I was going to EVER sit down to write it, I’d dedicate it to them!
> 
> Happy Birthday, dude!! Thanks for actually putting up with my bullshit this past year!! Really am happy that we’re friends, yeah?
> 
> Now let’s get that disclaimer out of the way, because I’m hecking _broke_!
> 
>  
> 
> **Disclaimer for whole story: I don't own _Naruto_ or anything related to the _Naruto_ franchise! I am in no ways Masashi Kishimoto, nor will I ever be!**
> 
>  
> 
> AS ALWAYS, the same rules apply, being a Naruto SI/SIOC fic, in that world building and OCs carry over, except for the SI. So do keep that in mind and don't take it too personally when my OCs pop up, as someone had with _Metamorphosis_.
> 
> With that out of the way, READ ON!!

 

* * *

 

...

...

...

It all starts when you’re born in the middle of a battlefield, and it’s only downhill from there. And really, it doesn’t get any better from here.

You’re brought into the world under the worst of circumstances, with a mother that should be anywhere else but here. You barely even spend any time with her before you’re shoved into the arms of a little boy with tan skin and black hair. The little boy does his best to keep you calm, his voice shushing you as you cry. He wraps you in his haori, not caring much about the blood that covers the fabric. So long as you’re covered, then it’s all right.

“It’s okay, baby…it’s okay…” It’s somewhat of a shock that you can not only recognize what language the boy is speaking, but also understand it—not fully, but just enough to understand the context of his words. Before you have a chance to process this discovery, your mother slits someone’s throat.

A spatter of blood comes your way, though it never touches you, thanks to the boy shielding your body. The shock tears a few earsplitting screams from your throat, which only adds more to the boy’s distress as he tries his best to soothe you.

“Nii-san is here—you don’t have to cry,” he tells you, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Please? Stop crying?”

The desperation is evident in his voice. You can tell that he’s seconds away from crying himself, but he keeps it all in for your sake. As your older brother, he has to. It’s so fucked up, but there’s nothing you can do.

This is it. This is your new life. This is what you were shoved into after the untimely ending of your first life. You don’t remember much about it—it happened all too fast. You just know that you had a life worth living for.

At least…you hope you did.

…

It’s hours before you finally return to the comforting embrace of your mother’s arms. The stench of blood fills the air. It’s nauseating, but you bear through it as you’re finally fed for the first time in this life. You meet your father shortly after, who just glances at you before handing you back to your mother.

“Until she is old enough to choose for herself, she will be known as Tobirama.” The only thing you can understand is the name that your father mentions. It catches you by surprise, since your thoughts immediately shift over to a fictional series that you were once obsessed with. You wonder if it’s just a coincidence, or rather…you _hope_ it’s a coincidence.

_Please, please, please, pleeeease._

It’s not—that hope dies almost immediately when you hear the name that your father uses to refer to your older brother.

“Hashirama,” he says, his hand reaching down to ruffle his hair. It’s all he says, too exhausted to say any more. He collapses afterwards, running only on three hours of sleep after his clan’s compound had been attacked (it’s something you find out later, when your older brother tells you of what happened on the day you were born).

And just like that, you’re crying again.

Your mother shoves you into your older brother’s arms, too exhausted to deal with your distressed wails. You’re left alone with your older brother, who acts far older than he actually is. He’s no more than three years old, and he’s already proving to be a better parent than your actual parents.

It really doesn’t help that your parents are having children when they, themselves, are still children. Grant it, they are in their late teens, but the point still stands.

_I’m older than them…_

At least, you **should** be.

_But I’m not._

Not anymore.

_Because I’m no longer myself._

Some things are not as you remember them, though you suppose it doesn’t make a difference. By the end of the day, you are still Senju Tobirama…

And she is you.

…

…

She sleeps most of the days away, nestled comfortably in the sling that her brother has wrapped around him. She sees more of him instead of their mother when she is not being breastfed. She rarely ever sees her father…

She cries often, still unable to accept everything that’s been thrown at her.

_Warring States Period…_

_Senju…_

_Uchiha…_

It’s such a cruel joke to be reincarnated into such a violent world, during a time where very few children will ever make it to adulthood. She was barely an adult herself before she passed away so suddenly…

_It’s not fair…_

_Not fair, not fair, not fair!_

She wants to scream, but it’s hard when her older brother is doing such a good job at keeping her calm. He whispers soothing words to her, even though she can barely understand most of them. Two semesters of Japanese can only do so much, when her brother speaks in a dialect that’s only appropriate for a child still learning how to properly talk. She can understand the gist of his words, though sometimes even _he_ has issues finding the right words to say.

The two are alike in that sense, still learning the ropes of a language they’ll be speaking for the rest of their lives…

…

At six months old, Tobirama finally says her first word.

“Ha-ha!” she calls out, catching her older brother by surprise.

Initially, Hashirama thinks that his little sister is calling out for their mother. It’s understandable, though he then realizes that it’s not their mother that she calls out for, but him. She repeats herself, her chubby hands reaching out for him.

“Ha-ha…” he echoes back, a wide smile soon spreading across his face. He feels so warm and fuzzy and maybe, even a bit lightheaded. He’s just so happy to be his little sister’s first word. He holds her closely to his chest, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. “Cuuute…”

For once, Hashirama is glad that he’s been left behind, because it means he gets to spend more time with his little sister. Since she’s said her first word, Hashirama decides to teach his little sister even **more** words to say.

…

…

At seven months old, Tobirama spends more time with her mother. Through that association, so does Hashirama.  For a third time, Hazuki is with child. For a second time, Hashirama is entrusted to protect his younger siblings. And for the first time, Tobirama finds herself in a position where she is no longer the youngest.

It’s far different than becoming an aunt at five years old. It can’t compare to the overwhelming wave of emotions that washes over her as she stares at her baby brother, Kawarama, and recalls his funeral. He died so young…but here he is, so small and tiny, with tan skin and light brown hair.

_How can someone be so tiny?_

Tobirama reaches out, a tiny hand latching onto her finger. Immediately, tears start sliding down her face. Her chest hurts from how much her heart aches over a life that she _knows_ will be cut short.

_I don’t… **want** him to die…_

Kawarama doesn’t have a scar on his face…

_How does he get that scar?!?_

Their mother, Hazuki, is the first to notice something is wrong, despite being far too exhausted to even care about anything else. She reaches out and ruffles her daughter’s short, fluffy hair. “What’s…wrong?”

“Iwanna keep ‘im saaaaaafe…” Tobirama sniffs, wiping her eyes on the back of her yukata’s sleeve. “Don’t…wanna lose.”

She wants to keep him safe—to keep him from having the life of a child soldier. To keep him from dying so young, because it’s _not_ fair.

_It’s **not** fair._

_Not fair, not fair, not **fair**!_

She cries after that, unable to keep it together for very long. Though her mind is that of an adult, her body is still that of a toddler. It will be years before her own body can handle the strain of her own emotions—years that she may not even have.

_Notfairnotfairnot **fairnotfair**!!_

_IT’S NOT FAIR!_

As before, Hashirama is left to care for his younger siblings. He is four years old now, just days away from starting his training. He doesn’t…want to leave them. He…can’t.

But he has to, because they are too young. And he…he is old enough. He is old enough to hand his siblings over to his cousin, Touka, who is given enough free time to watch over two children. She is skilled and experience for someone who is only a few years older than he is.

Tobirama learns how to walk during this time, while her older brother trains with their father, Butsuma. Throughout his training, Hashirama can’t stop thinking about the day his little brother was born. That day, his little sister cried because she didn’t want to lose Kawarama.

“Lose him to what?” Hashirama almost wants to ask, but he knows better. He knows of the relatives that leave the compound and never return. He knows of the ever-growing field of newly planted saplings in the garden, each of them serving as a grave for those who have died. He remembers picking out a tree for his grandfather, Itsuki, after he was killed during a mission.

Hashirama was only two years old when he picked out his grandfather’s tree, because he had been the last person to talk to him before his death… He planted the sapling with his own two hands, not wanting anyone else to help him because he wanted to do it himself.

Most of the work had been done anyways, before he carried the sapling over to the hole that had been dug out of the earth. Every few days or so, Hashirama would go out in the garden to check on his grandfather’s tree. A few times, he would talk to it—as though his grandfather had never left.

He plans on showing his little sister the tree soon, so that she could at least know what he did of the man that was no longer around. In the meantime, he continues training diligently—if only to guarantee his survival.

“And our future,” he mutters to himself before throwing a shuriken into a target with semi-precise aim.

…

Whenever he has free time, Hashirama spends it with Touka and his siblings. Kawarama learns how to crawl first before saying his first word. The amount of time he spends with Touka, Hashirama, and Tobirama exceeds the time he has ever spent with his parents. It bothers Hashirama, and it bothers Tobirama even more.

“Where Butsu?” Tobirama refuses to call that man her father until he starts acting like one.

“Away,” Hashirama sighs. “And it’s Otou-sama.”

Tobirama makes an awfully cute face when she pouts, earning herself a soft pinch on the cheek from Touka. “Stooop!”

“You’re just so cute!” Touka laughs. “It’s a shame we’re gonna have to cut your hair soon…”

Tobirama tilts her head to the side. “Cut?”

Hashirama frowns. “It’s…nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

He’s seen it happen to Touka and a few other of his female relatives. From what he knows, it’s for their own protection. He doesn’t ask why—he feels it’s best to just leave it at that. He is already aware of just how horrible life can be to those who are taken alive as prisoners. He’d rather not worsen the nightmares that he’ll have…

Some clans refuse to put their females on the front line, while others completely disregard them. Few let them do as they wish, like the fearful Aburame that had struck so much fear in those who encounter them. Then there’s the Senju clan, who disguise their female clan members as male for the first ten years of their lives.

It’s almost a rite of passage, Hashirama thinks, since Touka is still a few years away from being allowed to present as the gender she actually identifies as. Of course, not all of them choose to make the change back immediately, wanting some time to figure it out themselves. In some cases, there was never a change to begin with—much like the case of Touka’s father.

The Senju clan adapts and embraces the changes that occur within each child. With life being so short, no one dares to deny them of their chance at happiness. Hashirama just wishes that their happiness could last forever…

…

Tobirama is two years old when her hair is cut for the first time. It’s left in such a choppy, uneven mess. Touka apologizes to her throughout it all, as she’s never been good with a pair of scissors.

“I probably should’ve let Hashirama do this…” Touka sighs, knowing fully well that it’s too late for that.

“’s fine!” Tobirama reassures her, not caring about the silvery-white hair that falls on the tatami-covered floors. “Just hair, yeah?”

“Yeah…” Touka forces a smile. “Hey…do me a favor—when you’re old enough, can you…can you grow out your hair for me?”

“Hmm?” Tobirama blinks.

“I just…think that it’d look really pretty long,” Touka explains as works the scissors through her cousin’s hair. “Like your mother.”

“Like Zuzu…” Tobirama looks down at her lap. She thinks for a moment, not knowing what to make of Touka’s suggestion.

“Of course, you don’t have to if you don’t want to!” Touka quickly informs her. “It’s your hair, so it’s ultimately your choice. Don’t ever let anyone take that away from you, okay?”

“Okay…” From that day on, Tobirama starts to consider growing out her hair—when she can, that is. In the meantime, she starts to wear clothing that are more suitable for boys her age. There isn’t much of a difference, except in design and coloration, but she never cared much for it.

Clothes were always just clothes for her. They didn’t have a gender, much like the way she sometimes felt about herself. It’s still such a muddy topic for her to consider, though at the end of the day, she knows that she is anything but a boy.

_I guess it’s not wrong to say that I’m a girl…_

She politely corrects Hashirama when he tries to get used to calling her a boy. He blinks a few times and just ruffles her messy hair.

“I know you’re not, but you have to pretend,” he explains to her. He is five years old now and is often taken outside of the compound to accompany his father on missions. “At least, while we’re outside of the compound, okay?”

Tobirama nods her head. “Okay…”

So long as it isn’t permanent, then she’s fine with it. Afterwards, she returns to Kawarama’s side and helps him stand up. He’s only one year old and he’s already doing better than she was when she first started learning how to walk. She enjoys the little moments she shares with her younger brother, pushing away the negative thoughts that want to flood her head as she remembers his funeral for the umpteenth time.

For every dark thought that pops up in her head, she has a happy memory to counter it. Kawarama’s first word…

_“Aneja!!”_

Kawarama’s first step…

_“Aneja, look!”_

His cheerful smile…

Tobirama holds these memories close to her heart. It motivates her to work for a future where she can effortlessly protect those who are dear to her. It’s still too hard to deal with the life she left behind, so she doesn’t think much about it.

It makes it easier to move on…

_At least until I’m older._

Until then, it’s nothing more of a massive headache that plagues her from time to time.

…

…

Tobirama is three years old when her youngest, brother, Itama is born. She almost has a god damn meltdown when she sees his face. Because in that moment, all she can see is a crying child, so terrified of the Uchiha that surround him. She asks to hold her baby brother, wanting to protect the tiny infant with dual-colored hair.

“H-Hello…” she whispers to him, her eyes overflowing with tears. “I’m your Aneja…”

And she wants him to _live_. She wants _everyone_ to live.

_Please?_

Later that evening, Hashirama finds Tobirama quietly singing a song to a sleeping Itama. He holds his hand out and quickly claps it over Kawarama’s mouth when he suddenly pops up at his side, about ready to say something about their father looking for him.

_“Marmalade and sugar song,_

_Peanuts and bitter step,_

_So sweet and then so acrid,_

_It makes my head spin…”_

As soon as they are far away from the room, he releases Kawarama and asks where it is that he’s needed. That’s when his father approaches him anyhow, deciding that Kawarama had taken too long. Butsuma talks to Hashirama about his younger sister’s training.

“Take her with you tomorrow,” he tells his son, ignoring the look of shock that crosses his face. “I trust that you can teach her the basics that you have learned.”

“Y-Yes…” Hashirama nods his head. He doesn’t know why Butsuma is having Tobirama start her training so soon. Though, he supposes that it doesn’t matter, because the next day, he wakes his sister up and takes her to their clan’s training grounds. The first thing that he teaches her is chakra control and sticks a leaf to her forehead.

“I need you to focus, okay, Tobi-chan?” Hashirama smiles warmly at his sister, ignoring the fact that she’ll be a lot younger than he was when he first killed a man. Had it not for him, then their father wouldn’t be alive…

Sometimes, Hashirama finds himself wondering about what would happen, had he not saved his father… He wonders if he would have cared, since it’s thanks to his father that his childhood ended so early. He decides to stop thinking about it and focuses on his little sister instead.

“We’ll start building up your endurance after this, so I hope you’re ready for some running.” He laughs when he hears Tobirama groan.

He hopes these days last as long as they can, because knowing their luck, it won’t last forever…

…

And it doesn’t.

Tobirama is four years old when her mother dies a quick and bloody death, at the hands of an assassin that broke into the clan compound. A slit artery is what done it. It happened so quickly before anyone could do anything for her. She was only twenty-one—still younger than Tobirama had been when she, herself, had died in her past life.

She feels numb the entire time, unable to process what had just happened. She helps her brothers pick out a tree for their mother—an almond tree, because of its white flowers.

_Just like her hair._

She just about breaks down when Itama starts calling out for their mother, knowing that they’ll never see her again. It really only hits her then that this isn’t a dream—it’s real. It’s all too real…

Butsuma doesn’t say much for the next few weeks, though sometimes, when he thinks people aren’t looking, Tobirama finds him standing in front of Hazuki’s tree, just talking about how everyone else is doing. He talks about how sorry he is for not spending as much time as he could have with her, as he had when they were younger.

“I miss you, Hazuki…” He cries, despite being of the belief that shinobi should not show emotions.

In that moment, Tobirama can see Butsuma for the person he is—a man broken by the hellish lifestyle enforced on him as a child. This is it.

_This is my life._

This is how it’s going to be until something is done about it. And in that moment, Tobirama decides to take her first step into changing the future that’s ahead of her, instead of waiting for her older brother to do it himself.

She approaches her father and tells him that everything is okay. “It’s okay, Otou-sama. You’re only human.”

That’s the first time she ever calls him father, and it’s just enough to break down the dam of emotions that he’s been holding back. And so he cries—he cries over the years that he let slip by before his very eyes, being so uninvolved in the lives of his own children. He cries over the loss of his companion—his best friend—to the harsh realities of their world.

And Tobirama?

She cries just as much, regretting that she never knew who her mother was as a person. And she never will, because she’s dead.

_She was only twenty-one…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like, as I mentioned before in some of my other fics, do NOT ever assume any one in my fics are straight. Nor should you also assume that they are cisgendered, either, because hey—guess what? Your writer is hella pan/ace and nonbinary!
> 
> If you are uncomfortable with that, I suggest walking away and never reading any of my fics again. Because I’ll only disappoint.
> 
> Anyways, I’mma make it clear, but there IS a definite pairing in this fic and while it won’t exactly change, additions CAN be made to it, depending on how things go. Again, it all really depends.
> 
> Anyways, that’s about it I have for now. I drew the cover art, hope you guys like it. So until next time, everyone!


	2. The Encounter

The first thing Tobirama notices after that day is the amount of time Butsuma spends with her and her brothers. He cares for Itama instead of handing him over to Touka, even while he's helping Hashirama train Tobirama and Kawarama. His responsibilities are split up throughout the clan, leaving him with the few that are far too significant for anyone else to handle.

Being the head of the Senju clan has its perks, so Butsuma does as much as he can within reason. Eventually, he'll have to return to the busy life that he used to have. At the very least, it will be under the circumstances that his children can defend themselves without his assistance. Until that day comes, Butsuma continues training his children.

_There's no way out of this life…_

The issue at hand is a matter that will take years to resolve—years that they may or may not have. Tobirama has just as much of a risk of dying as her younger brothers, so there's no guarantee that she'll make it to adulthood. She has long since accepted that she won't be able to keep her younger brothers from getting involved in any conflict.

The most she can do is at least ensure that they outlive her.

_And I don't plan on dying young._

She was twenty-three when she died in her past life.

_Let's try to make it to thirty this time, huh?_

It's not going to be easy—even with all the knowledge that she has. After all, Tobirama isn't omniscient and she knows that she won't ever have full control of anything ever.

_Because that's how life is._

And life, as usual, fucking sucks.

_Nice to know some things haven't changed._

Sarcasm aside, Tobirama has noticed that some things haven't changed. Things like her anxiety, depression, and ADHD have carried over to her new life. She almost doesn't notice, having grown so used to these things being part of her life. It takes her until Kawarama points it out to everyone after coming to his older sister's defense. Only then does Tobirama realize that her rejection sensitive dysphoria is alive and well, alongside many other things that are definitely worth acknowledging.

_Like an auditory processing disorder…_

That certainly explains why she would often ask people to repeat themselves…which is the exact reason why Butsuma was in the middle of giving her a lecture. After all, not everyone has Hashirama's patience…

"Be nice to Aneja!" Kawarama wraps his arms around Tobirama's waist in an embrace, hoping that it's enough to keep her from crying. "She's trying her best! She just needs help—that's all!"

It's kind of embarrassing to be defended like this by someone so young… At the same time, it's also very sweet, which soon becomes funny when Itama decides to copy Kawarama, and then it goes right back to being embarrassing when Hashirama joins in himself.

"Anija!!" Tobirama whines, clearly not amused with the way Hashirama rubs his cheek against hers. Had this been any other situation, she wouldn't have minded Hashirama's behavior at all…but Butsuma is right  _there_ , and he won't stop staring at them.

_Is he…Is he mad?_

Fortunately, Butsuma is not mad. If anything, he's more disappointed with himself, for nearly making his daughter cry from a misunderstanding.

"It seems that I still have a lot to learn." Butsuma runs his hand through his hair and sighs. "I apologize for my lack of insight."

"'s fine…" Tobirama says, as though she hadn't been seconds away from actually crying before Kawarama decided to step in…

"You…really are like your mother." Butsuma smiles wistfully, reaching out to ruffle his daughter's hair. He pauses, his fingers carefully grasping and extending a lock of her hair. "Huh, looks like it needs a trim…"

"Again?" Tobirama huffs, looking far more annoyed than upset. Her eyes dart to the side when she catches Hashirama playing with her hair. "Anija…"

"You haven't been combing your hair again," he remarks, sounding somewhat exasperated with his little sister's bad habits. "You want me to do it?"

"If you want…" Tobirama still has a lot to unlearn from her past life's depressive moods. Like combing her hair, which is still a thing she forgets to do…

"Aneja's hair grows so fast!" Kawarama laughs as he lifts Itama into his arms, giving him the reach that he needs to tug on a lock of Tobirama's hair. "Hey—do we  _have_  to cut it?"

"It's for her own protection." The last thing Butsuma ever wants to see is his daughter being targeted on the battlefield. If they're lucky, it'll be a quick death, if not… He'd rather not think about it.

"Aww…" Kawarama pouts childishly. "I like her hair…"

"White!" Itama suddenly exclaims, laughing afterwards as he continues tugging on his older sister's hair. "Pretty!"

"Maybe when I'm older…?" Tobirama suggests, sounding especially uncertain. She takes a moment to remove Itama's hand from her hair, lightly scolding him for how harsh his tugs were. "Be more gentle, okay?"

"Okay!" Itama smiles.

…

…

Later that evening, when Butsuma drops by his children's room to check on them, he finds Hashirama running a comb through Tobirama's messy hair. The two are almost bickering with each other, with how often Hashirama fusses over Tobirama's apathetic attitude over her own grooming habits.

"At least try!" Hashirama huffs as he carefully untangles the mess of locks.

"Ow, ow, ow!" Tobirama winces, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. "Stooop!"

Kawarama sits by them, trying his hardest not to laugh as he reassures Itama that Tobirama is  _definitely_  okay, despite her pained yelps.

"I'll stop when your hair stops fighting with the comb— _oh_." A small bead of sweat rolls down the side of Hashirama's face as he looks at the broken comb in his hand. "Uhh…"

"Anija broke it!" Kawarama snatches the comb out of his oldest brother's hand and shows it to Tobirama. "He broooooke it!"

"What the heck, Anija?!" Tobirama's eyes widen in shock. "Touka-nee-san gave that to me!"

"I'm so sorry, but your hair is such a  _mess_!" Hashirama wails as he throws his arms around Tobirama, quickly pulling her in for a hug. "Why did you let your hair get like this?! Waaaahhh…"

"Anijaaaaa!" Tobirama whines, obviously not amused with Hashirama's affectionate gestures. She could never stay mad at him when he's like this… "You're not getting out of this so easily!"

"I can try!" Hashirama rubs his cheek against Tobirama's. "C'mon—I'll get you a new one!"

It's not often that Butsuma sees his children having such careless fun. As though everything is fine, despite the dangers that surround them each day. A part of him misses the days when he was able to enjoy such moments as these, when Hazuki had been there to fill in the blanks of the siblings and relatives he had lost.

He walks off after that, not wanting to intrude on their peaceful respite. Starting tomorrow, their training will continue, and the days will only get harder from there as their training gradually intensifies.

…

…

Tobirama never liked running, and if given the choice, she'd never run again—like  _ever_. Too bad reincarnation decided to slam dunk her soul into the body of some pre-existing character in  _Naruto_ , in a world where running is the main method of transportation for a shinobi. Life basically went, "Too bad, bitch," and forced her to run anyways.

And so here she is, just running her daily laps around the clan compound. On the bright side, she doesn't have asthma getting in the way of her improving her endurance. On the downside…

 _This_ _**is** _ _the downside._

Not a day goes by that Tobirama doesn't inwardly curse when she's forced to run her laps around the clan compound. It's not as difficult as it initially was, but that does nothing to change how Tobirama feels about running— _especially_  since Kawarama is the faster runner and won't let her forget about it.

"You're too  _slow_ ~!" Kawarama sticks out his tongue playfully at his older sister, who just glares at him.

"Then dodge  _this_!" Tobirama lunges at Kawarama, pulling him into a headlock. She laughs as she mashes her knuckles into his head.

"Heeyyyy!" Kawarama whines, trying his hardest not to laugh as well. "No fair—Anejaaa~! Stooop!"

Surprisingly, Itama is better than all of them at shurikenjutsu. Of course, it probably helps that after a few botched attempts that Itama would want to perfect his aim, since Kawarama had gotten hurt in the process. It's understandable, considering that Kawarama could have lost an eye, had things not gone the way they had. All things considered, things could have been worse, though that doesn't change the fact that it happened while Kawarama and Itama were  _unsupervised_. And it would've stayed that way, had Itama's wails not brought the entire clan to the training grounds, where everyone got a  _good_  eyeful of the blood that was gushing out of the deep gashes in Kawarama's right cheek.

Needless to say, Butsuma had an absolute field day trying to maintain his composure. Itama wouldn't stop crying, Tobirama had a full-blown panic attack, Hashirama nearly had one himself while trying to calm his sister, and just about everyone else wouldn't stop fussing over Kawarama, who was disturbingly calm throughout it all.

"I was the one pushing him to throw the kunai," Kawarama later explains, once he's given the chance. The bleeding has since been stopped, and the cuts on his face have left a noticeable X-shaped scar on his cheek. "I shouldn't have done it on my own…"

"That's fine—just don't do it again." Butsuma sighs inwardly in relief. "Neither of you are allowed to touch kunai or shuriken if Hashirama and I aren't with you…understood?"

"Yes!" Tobirama, Kawarama, and Itama simultaneously answer.

Since that day, Itama focuses hard on making sure he doesn't  _ever_  miss his target again. Almost two years old, and he's already made more progress than Kawarama and Tobirama. It's a bit annoying, but Tobirama is mostly relieved (after the initial panic attack, of course) to know that the cause of her younger brother's scar was a complete accident.

_And not someone trying to kill him…_

Tobirama has the upper hand in the leaf concentration exercise, though whenever Kawarama likes to complain about it, she also likes to remind him that she already has a year's worth of experience. The same, however, cannot be said about taijutsu, for Tobirama has the advantage in both strength and reach. She's only a year older than Kawarama, though it certainly helps that she's taller than most girls her age.

Kawarama jumps to his feet after being knocked down, taking a moment to wipe the sweat off his brow. "I'm gonna outgrow you one day—just you watch!"

"That means you  _can't_  die!" Tobirama grins widely, hoping that it's enough to keep Kawarama alive.

"I can't die—I'm immortal!" Kawarama crosses his arms over his chest and huffs. "So long as you remember me, then I'll  _never_  die!"

"That's right, that's right!" Hashirama laughs, finding his younger brother's antics quite amusing…and somewhat enlightening.

…

Tobirama finds herself back at step one, just shortly before her fifth birthday. It's just after Hashirama stopped sticking the leaf to her forehead himself, telling her to do it herself.

"You can do it," he reassures her. "This is what you've been training for."

It's…a lot harder than she was expecting, despite all the training that she's already done. The leaf just falls into her lap when she sticks it to her forehead. It doesn't even last a few seconds.

_What the actual fuck?!_

"It's a lot harder without my chakra to help you, huh?" Hashirama smiles reassuringly at his little sister, hoping that it eases some of the concerns she might have. "It was the same for me, too, so don't worry about it. You just need to focus on your own chakra this time—that's all."

"Then what was I doing before?" Tobirama asks, looking rather confused.

"Well…" Hashirama crosses his arms over his chest. "It's like…hmm… You know how you would help Kawarama stand when he was learning how to walk?"

"Yes…?" Tobirama tilts her head to the side. "What does that have to do with this?"

"It's like that," Hashirama explains. "You gave Kawarama the support he needed so he could learn. And then, when the time came, you let go of his hand so that he could start walking on his own. Think of this as that—I'm letting go of your hand, so from here on out, it's all up to you. Makes sense, right?"

"Yeah…I think I get it now." Though, that doesn't make this any easier because the damn leaf won't  _stick_  to her forehead! "Aaaaugh!"

If she's learning how to walk, then she should at least be able to stumble, right?

_Fucking stick at least!!_

"You'll get it soon." Hashirama laughs when Tobirama suddenly throws her entire weight against him in an attempt to disrupt his balance. Her attempt gets her nowhere, since Hashirama stands his ground, even as she continues to push. "You're going to have to do better than that, Tobi-chan!"

"Is that a challenge?!" Because if so, then it's fucking  _on_! "Just you watch, Anija—I'll get you one day!"

Just not today…

…

The days go by without much progress, as Tobirama still can't get the leaf to stick to her forehead. She glares at Kawarama when he manages within the first three days of his attempt.

"It's not that hard!" he says, reaching out to pinch Tobirama's cheek. "You can do it, Aneja!"

"I don't want to hear it from you!" Tobirama bats his hand away. "At least I'm still taller than you!"

"That's cuz you're a beansprout!" Kawarama huffs. "Eat more, Aneja!"

"Then stop eating my food!" Tobirama tackles Kawarama to the ground, the two soon laughing afterwards.

By the end of the week, Tobirama starts to feel… _something_. It's fuzzy at first—like she's running her fingers across a feather.

_So light and so soft…_

She focuses on this sensation for the next two days, chasing after it as it grows stronger and stronger, ignoring the playful banter that goes on between Hashirama and Kawarama. It's just so soft and so warm…

_It's nice…_

It's just as she thinks that she can get used to this that an uncomfortable tingling sensation spreads across her skin, from head to toe. All too suddenly, she becomes aware of every layer of clothing that covers her skin. She snaps out of her thoughts almost immediately and whatever sense of calm she might've had just dies down as it's replaced with intense discomfort.

"Is something wrong?" she can hear her brother ask her as he goes about helping Kawarama with his training. The two are nearby, as is Butsuma as he feeds slices of apples to Itama, who is taking a well-deserved break. "Hey—you did it!"

"I did?" Tobirama certainly wouldn't know, because she's too busy dealing with the thousands of buzzing bees that some random asshole put under her skin. That's as best of a comparison as she can come up with and it sure as hell isn't getting any better as the minutes go by.

_Why isn't it stopping?_

"Aneja doesn't look good!" Kawarama points out, having noticed his older sister's distress. "Are you okay?"

"N…No." It almost hurts to move, because of the way her clothing rubs against her skin. "My skin feels…weird."

Actually,  _everything_  feels weird…but her skin definitely feels the weirdest.

_Is this my skin?_

Technically, it isn't, but that was never a problem before—so why now?

_What the fuck is going on?_

As if things couldn't get any worse, Hashirama just  _had_  to yell out, "Otou-sama—something's wrong with Tobi-chan!"

It takes every fiber of her being to keep herself from crying as she's surrounded by her siblings and her father, her youngest brother commenting on the red marks that have appeared on her face.

…

The marks don't leave her face, and the buzzing only stops after a day of burying herself under a bundle of blankets. It still feels weird to move around, but not as much as it used to. Tobirama walks around the clan compound, taking care so not as to wake anyone up. It's late in the evening, the only source of lighting coming from the full moon shining brightly in the starry, night sky.

Somehow, she doesn't stumble. She's able to make it out into the garden by herself, where she finds her father sitting under her mother's tree. He stares at the moon, drinking sake out of a sakazuki cup. There's an ethereal glow to Hazuki's tree, likely as a result of the chakra that has been used to speed up its growth. There's something incredibly comforting about it, the closer that Tobirama gets to it. It feels…

_Like she's still here…_

"Still awake?" Butsuma only just notices his daughter's presence.

"Hmm…" She nods her head, not wanting to say much for now. She sits down in the space next to her father, taking care not to touch him. It's not that she doesn't like him, but there's something about him that just makes her skin feel so weird…

_Itchy…_

"Feeling better?" he asks her, setting his cup down.

"Uh-huh…" She's definitely doing better than before.

"Haa, your mother went through the same thing when she activated her chakra for the first time." Butsuma chuckles lightly, earning a questioning stare from his daughter. "You…really  _are_  like her."

He's said it before, and he'll say it again. A part of him still wishes Hazuki was around to see this, since she always hoped that someone would take after her…

"Can you…can you tell me more about her?" Tobirama finally speaks, feeling an intense urge to know more about the person who gave birth to her.

Butsuma says nothing at first, instead reaching out to grab his drink. After taking a long sip of sake, he lowers the cup and exhales slowly, waiting a few seconds before saying, "She was a chakra sensor, not from our clan. Your grandfather found her hidden away in a room full of dead people and brought her to us, since she no longer had a family to call her own."

Hazuki had been around the same age as Butsuma when he started his training. At first, he had no idea what to make of her, but as time went on and the more relatives and siblings that he lost, the more he opened up to Hazuki, who knew exactly how he felt. They were inseparable, to the point that it wasn't much of a surprise when the clan elders decided to have the two engaged to each other.

They were only fourteen, but neither of them thought much about it after all the time they had spent together.

"She liked almond jelly best," Butsuma continues, remembering every little thing he learned about his wife. "Just like Itama… I'm sure she's happy with the tree you picked out for her."

"Are you happy?" Tobirama finds herself asking Butsuma.

Butsuma pauses for a moment, and then takes another drink of sake. "Ahahaha, I guess…I guess I'm not."

The tears just slide down his cheeks, his chest almost heaving with sobs. For once, Tobirama ignores her own discomfort to give her father the support he needs, climbing into his lap and wrapping her arms around his waist.

"I still don't forgive you," she tells him. "But that doesn't mean I hate you."

Throughout the year that she has spent with her father, Tobirama no longer finds herself as distant towards him as she was before. There are still some things he has done that cannot be fixed, but that doesn't change the fact that he is trying to change. And for that, she appreciates him.

"Please don't let Itama or Kawarama die…" Tobirama can't keep herself from crying as she says this. "I don't…I don't wanna lose them…"

The idea of death hits her harder, now that she knows Hazuki is gone. It happened all too fast, before her very own eyes. She still has nightmares about it, wondering each night if the same will happened to Itama and Kawarama. She gets through it by sleeping next to her younger brothers, pulling them closely to herself without waking them up. Only Hashirama has figured out that she's been having nightmares, but he doesn't say much and instead, instigates whatever pile they have when they go to sleep for the night.

"I won't let them go," Butsuma tells her, running his fingers through her white, fluffy hair.

"P-Promise?" Tobirama sniffs.

"I promise you—I won't let them go." He holds her closely. "Not now, nor ever…"

Tobirama doesn't expect him to keep his promises—sometimes, things just happen. Still, she appreciates the thought he puts into the words he says to her. Maybe…just maybe…

_We'll make it this time._

…

…

Tobirama is five years old when she's allowed to leave the compound. She wanders off on her own, taking care not to go too far—at least until she notices that Hashirama is following her. He's nearby, hidden completely out of sight, but not enough that she can't sense him… She doesn't say anything, though, deciding to play dumb for once—just to humor him.

_It'll do him good as a learning experience…_

The buzzing under skin still flares up from time to time, but only around people with chakra that are far too intense for her comfort. Hashirama is one of those people, though Tobirama puts up with it. He's her brother, after all, so it's the least she can do.

_It's not that bad, anyways…_

On its own, at least. Paired with everyone else…

_It's a fucking nightmare._

Little by little, she can make out the distance between her and the clan compound. It no longer feels so stifling, giving her the chance to actually  _breathe_. She never realized how overwhelming it was to be around so many people until now, when she's mostly on her own. It's quiet and the buzzing underneath her skin is almost nonexistent. She stops in front of a creek, deciding that she's gone far enough.

She sits down by the water, taking care not to get the ends of her hakama get wet. She picks up a few nearby stones that are smooth enough to skip. She's never been good at skipping stones, so she decides to see if she can try in this life.

_Plop!_

She makes a face when the stone just sinks into the water.

_Plop!_

She exhales shakily, trying her best to remain calm. It wouldn't do her good to get so worked up…

_Plop!_

"Aaaugh!" she finally screams, letting her anger get the best of herself. She grabs a handful of stones, just throwing them all into the water. She stands up afterwards, deciding that she managed one life without ever learning how to skip stones.

_I can manage it again…_

…

…

Or so she thought.

_Plop!_

_Huh?!_

Tobirama turns around immediately to see what had caused that sound, hoping that it had just been a fish. Her heart almost stops when she hears the same sound again—this one sounded closer.

"Wh…What…?" A part of her feels like yelling at herself for leaving the compound without her pouch of kunai, thinking that it was someone just waiting to attack her. She almost calls out for Hashirama when she catches sight of a boy with spiky black hair. He is around her brother's age, just standing on the other side of the creek. He stares at her with onyx-black eyes, a small smile almost tugging at the corners of his lips.

"You were throwing it wrong," he tells her before skipping another stone across the creek. "That's why it keeps sinking."

_Plop!_

"Just watch how I do it." The boy throws another stone, likely in an attempt to skip it farther across the surface than before.

_Plop!_

It stops just a few centimeters before reaching the other side of the creek. A part of Tobirama wants to tease him about it, but she keeps quiet. Something about this just…feels off.

_But what?_

She wonders if she should call out for her brother, to at least ease some of her nerves. She doesn't know how, but the boy managed to sneak by without her detecting his chakra. It's not normal…

_At the same time…_

It's just him and Hashirama that she can sense, so… It shouldn't be  _that_  dangerous to give him the benefit of the doubt.

_Famous last words._

"So how do I throw it?" Tobirama has some time to kill, especially with how close her brother is. He knows more than she does, so if he sensed that something was wrong, he would've acted on it long before Tobirama had a chance to talk to the boy.

Some minutes pass and after a few failed attempts, Tobirama  _finally_  manages to skip a stone across the water's surfaces. It manages only three times before sinking, but she considers it a victory worth celebrating over.

"How old are you?" the boy asks, likely wondering if her behavior has something to do with her age.

"Five," she replies, taking a moment to rub the bridge of her nose. "Why?"

"Hah—I'm older than you!" he laughs, looking somewhat smug. "I'm eight!"

_Just like Hashirama…_

"What of it?" Tobirama purposely plays dumb, hoping that it brings the boy down a few notches.

"You're supposed to respect your elders!" the boy exclaims. "At least, that's how it's supposed to go."

"Well, tough luck!" Tobirama sticks her tongue out at him. "The only elder I respect is my oldest brother, and even he's on thin ice!"

"Hey!" Hashirama finally reveals himself, realizing too late what he's done. "Oops."

"Was wondering when you were gonna screw up." Tobirama laughs deviously behind her hand.

"I knew I couldn't get past you…" Hashirama smiles sheepishly. "How long?"

"The entire time." Tobirama grins widely as Hashirama pouts.

"You could've said something…" Hashirama rubs the back of his head. "Anyways—what's your name?! If you're gonna play with my little brother, then you might as well tell me!"

It takes Tobirama a few seconds to remember that, outside of her clan compound, she'll be referred to as a boy. She sighs and reaches up to tug on a lock of her hair. She still hasn't gotten it cut yet…likely due to some hesitance on Butsuma's half. She doubts its length will do much, with its choppy style and the way she's dressed.

_Not that I care._

"You can call me Hashirama!" Hashirama, as always, shows no restraint, likely too giddy over the fact that his little sister has made a friend of some sort.

_Well, if he's not too worked up about it…then I guess it's fine._

"It's probably for the best if I don't give you our surnames…" Hashirama laughs carelessly, while the boy on the other side of the creek just scowls at him in annoyance. "Hey—it's your turn to share."

The boy stares at him for a minute and then shrugs. "You can just call me Madara. Like you, I won't give you my surname."

"How smart, how smart!" Hashirama smiles widely as he wraps his arm around Tobirama's waist. "Now it's your turn!!"

"T-Tobirama." It takes ever fiber of Tobirama's being to remain calm. All too suddenly, she's reminded of the years to come after hearing that other boy's name.

How could she have almost forgotten about Uchiha Madara?

_This isn't what happened…_

And yet, here she is, standing on the other side of the creek with her brother, the two of them talking to Uchiha Madara.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAVE ANOTHER CHAPTER BECAUSE I HAVE NO SELF CONTROL AND I GO BACK TO CLASS ON TUESDAY.
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoy this chapter, because a lot happened. I had to go through Tobirama’s wiki page a couple of times to get through a lot of his abilities. I had almost forgotten that he was a chakra sensor, so guess what? Have me just shoving that on our poor SI! I like to think of it as having some sort of sensory overload that spikes up from time to time when you’re still getting used to it.
> 
> As for the situation involving the leaf concentration exercise…since Tobirama was started at a younger age, they went at it from a different point to ensure that she couldn’t exhaust herself in any way. It’s basically like training wheels, using someone else’s chakra to start somewhere before doing it on your own.
> 
> Also talked it over with a friend from the Bread and Bitter discord, so shout out to Nagi for helping me decide that Tobirama’s markings are natural and not some tattoos. Expect our SI to have to cover them up soon, because we didn’t think it’d be a smart idea to get any tattoos on your face, basically giving your enemies other ways to recognize you so easily. Hence why they are natural instead of tattoos.
> 
> Also Butsuma is a bad father, but he’s fucking trying now. He can’t keep his kids off the battlefield, but that’s mostly due to circumstances, considering that they are the Senju clan and a huge target for enemy shinobi. Some change is gonna take time to happen, especially when there isn’t enough room for an alternative. Which is why he’s pushing his kids to start training earlier than they’re supposed to and why Itama is not even two years old and already handling sharp stuff.
> 
> Anyways, Madara’s there, so…I’ll just leave it at that! Thank you guys so much for taking the time to comment, do feel free to make any more! I crave that validation, regardless if you’re just telling me what’s on your mind! Just don’t ask about updates, because that’s hella rude and it’s a huge pet peeve of mind that I wish I didn’t have to constantly remind people of!
> 
> That’s it for now, so until next time, everyone!


	3. The Ties That Bind

Tobirama finds herself spending most of her free time at the creek. It gives her the space that she needs to recover from the amalgam of chakra she senses on a daily basis. At the same time, it also gives her the chance to interact with Uchiha Madara, who has since made it a habit of his to show up as often as he can. Hashirama is never far behind, always there to ensure that his younger sister stays out of trouble.

Tobirama skips another stone across the water’s surface, feeling absolutely elated when she sees it almost make it to the other side of the creek. Hashirama praises her, his hand ruffling her fluffy hair. Madara just stares, not knowing what to say until he skips a stone himself.

“Impressive,” he says, with a smug smile on his face. “You’ve almost reached my level.”

“Yeah, but I’m younger than you!” Tobirama laughs, sticking her tongue out at the boy. “That should say something…right? Right?!”

She looks eagerly at Hashirama, her red eyes almost gleaming with joy. He stares at her for a moment, not knowing how to react at first. A light blush dusts his cheeks red and before Tobirama can even ask what’s wrong, Hashirama suddenly wraps his arms around her in an embrace.

“Hey!” she exclaims, whining in annoyance when her older brother rubs his cheek against hers. “Quit it!”

“You’re so _cuuute_!” Hashirama can barely even stand it.

“Anijaaaaa!” Tobirama tries to push him away, but he just wouldn’t _budge_. “Madara— _help_!”

She isn’t even sure _why_ she asked him for help. Madara never does anything whenever Hashirama was like this. He usually stays there and watches, like the asshole he is…

Except…

Except…

_Except_ …

Madara doesn’t do that this time.

“What the?!”

Unlike every other time, he actually _does_ something this time. Without much warning, he dashes across the water’s surface. And as soon as he’s close enough, Madara hooks his arm around Hashirama’s neck in a chokehold. The abruptness of his actions is enough for Hashirama to release Tobirama, who immediately distances herself from the two.

“Like this?” Madara asks her, catching her somewhat by surprise.

“Wha…?” She tilts her head to the side.

“You asked for help,” Madara says in a matter-of-factly tone. He stares at her with the blankest expression as he can make, as though Hashirama isn’t trying to struggle out of his hold. “And I’m asking if this is what you meant.”

“Uhhh…” Tobirama doesn’t know what to say. She just stares at Madara, whose expression instantly changes when Hashirama manages to bite down on his arm.

“Ow!” Madara releases Hashirama, who quickly turns the tables on him and tackles him onto the ground. “Oof!”

_Thud!_

“If you wanted to play, you should’ve just said so!” Hashirama laughs as he mashes his knuckles into Madara’s head.

“Stop that!” Madara shrieks, finally realizing that this is what it means to be on the receiving end of Hashirama’s antics. It’s not so bad, but he can tell that Hashirama is purposely being rougher with him than with Tobirama. The difference in behavior is what annoys him, and it isn’t long before he manages to flip Hashirama over. “No wonder your little brother asked me for help!”

“You’re just jealous ‘cause you don’t have a cute little brother like Tobirama!” Hashirama yelps when Madara starts pinching his cheeks. It’s such a childish action that reminds him of Tobirama, when she’s had enough of his antics. He’d laugh it off if it wasn’t for the fact that Madara is a lot harsher on him than Tobirama. “Owww!!”

“I _do_ have a cute little brother!” Madara exclaims as he starts tugging on Hashirama’s face. “His name is Izuna and he is _much_ more adorable than your little brother!”

Tobirama doesn’t know if she should feel offended by that remark, so Hashirama acts offended on her behalf instead. His hands shoot up and grab onto Madara’s face, his fingers roughly pinching his cheeks.

“You take that back!” he says somewhat awkwardly, another yelp escaping his mouth when Madara applies more pressure onto his face.

“Never!” Madara hisses through clenched teeth.

Tobirama knows not of what to make of the scene before her. Before long, the two boys are wrestling with each other in ways that remind her of a couple of kittens playing with each other. It’s just as rough as it sometimes appears, although unlike with kittens, it’s not as cute of a sight.

She sighs in annoyance, deciding to ignore them. They’ll eventually tire themselves out, so she goes back to skipping stones to pass the time until then…

Unfortunately, even _that_ doesn’t go as she had intended. It starts with a sudden shove and it ends with her, Madara, and Hashirama falling into the creek.

_Splash!_

The three of them all shriek in shock over how cold the water is. It’s deep enough to drench them completely in water, and just deep enough for Tobirama to have some difficulty regaining her footing. She flails about, coughing out the water that she accidentally inhaled. She barely has much time to react over the hand that grabs the waistline of her hakama. Without much effort, she’s dragged out of the water. She wipes her face, coughing a few more times before turning to thank the person who helped her out.

It’s Madara, who looks at her with wide eyes. He catches her by surprise when he suddenly leans in closely, his fingers almost touching her face.

“B-Back off!” Tobirama reacts without thinking, her hand roughly shoving Madara away.

_Thud!_

“Ah…!” Tobirama’s face heats up with a blush as she watches Madara fall flat on his ass. “Are you okay?!”

“It’s nothing,” he says, taking a moment to rub his nose. “You’re a lot stronger than you appear, for someone so skinny…”

“I’m not _that_ skinny!” Tobirama huffs in annoyance.

“Yeah—he’s just really tall for his age,” Hashirama explains with a smile on his face. He seems almost proud of the fact from the way he just crosses his arms over his chest. “Of course, he’s not as tall as me.”

“Just you watch, Anija!” Tobirama will laugh when the day comes that she actually _does_ surpass her older brother in height. “One day, I’ll get taller than _both_ of you!”

It might actually happen if she continues growing at her current pace. Of course, Hashirama doesn’t seem to think so, from the way he just snorts.

“We’ll see, we’ll see,” he says as he pulls off his haori, taking the time to wring out the water in it.

“I’m looking forward to it,” Madara says, almost as though he plans on seeing her long enough to check if that actually _does_ happen. “Try not to die, okay?”

It’s a simple enough request for Madara to make, though it catches Tobirama completely by surprise. “D-Die…?”

“I lost two brothers already,” Madara confesses, deciding that he’s talked enough with these two to say something personal. “The life of a shinobi is short, after all.”

“Too short…” Hashirama mutters under his breath as he recalls the day that his mother was killed.

“Hmm…” Madara nods his head, having heard Hashirama’s comment. “That’s why you should try to live as long as you can.”

“I’m already trying…” Tobirama stares down at her feet. “Otou-sama says it’s almost time for my first mission…”

“It shouldn’t be that difficult!” Hashirama quickly tries to reassure his younger sister. “I’ll be there with you!”

“But…what if I have to kill someone?” The thought alone frightens Tobirama. She knows it’s necessary if the situation calls for it, but…she’s not sure if she’ll _ever_ be ready for it.

“If we’re lucky, then you won’t have to.” Hashirama knows better than to say stuff like that, but he can’t help it. He doesn’t want to even consider the thought that Tobirama might have to actually _kill_ someone so soon.

“Let me give you some advice,” Madara says, realizing just how sensitive of a subject it is for the two. “I won’t lie and says it gets easier…but it helps if you don’t look at their face.”

He made that mistake when he was six years old.

“H…How old were you…?” Tobirama asks somewhat nervously, hoping that her question doesn’t unearth any unwanted memories.

“Just a little younger than you are right now.” There is no hesitance in Madara’s voice as he answers Tobirama’s question. “Consider yourself lucky…and you?”

Madara looks questioningly at Hashirama, who bites his lip as he recalls his first kill.

“I was…six.” Thinking of it now, Hashirama doesn’t know how he had made it that long without killing anyone. A lot can happen in a year…and he can only hope that it never escalates so drastically enough that would require pushing someone as young as Tobirama to kill. “If I didn’t, Otou-sama would’ve…”

“Ahh, so that’s why.” Madara nods his head. “Then it isn’t so bad…because at least you saved someone.”

Madara hadn’t been so lucky…

“Did you lose someone?” Tobirama asks without even thinking.

“Yes…” Madara tries not to think of the life that was cut so short… Of how he wasn’t strong enough on that day, when he and his younger brothers were attacked while they were training. It was an ambush…an ambush that changed _everything_ for him. “He was only two years old…”

And Madara was only five…

“Sometimes, I can still hear him gurgling…” Those were the very last memories that Madara has of his second youngest brother. “I hope you don’t ever have to experience the loss of losing a brother.”

Tobirama frowns at the memories that flood her head. She wants nothing to do with the memories she has of Itama and Kawarama’s deaths. She also wants nothing to do with the fact that she knows that Madara will eventually lose all of his younger brothers. There’s nothing that she can do for those that have already passed and the others that will pass, although…

She can at least ensure that Izuna never dies. _“I won’t let it happen…”_

His life is in her hands, after all…

“I think we should be going,” Hashirama says, deciding that they’ve all spent enough time wearing wet clothes. “Before any of us get sick, I mean…”

As if on cue, Tobirama sneezes.

“Okay, that’s cute,” Madara can’t help but say.

“Shaddup!” Tobirama whines, taking a moment to wipe her nose on the back of her hand. “Ugh…”

“Also, I’d recommend infusing your make-up with chakra if you want to hide the markings on your face.” Madara gestures at his face as if to point out the red markings on Tobirama’s face. “Unless you want your enemies having an easier time recognizing you, then I’d take care not to let anyone else see them.”

Tobirama immediately hides her face after that, realizing that the water must have washed off the make-up on her face. “Ahh…”

“Don’t worry—I won’t tell anyone about it.” Madara isn’t the type to turn on those he is at least acquainted with…not without reason, of course.

“That’s good to hear.” Hashirama laughs sheepishly, quickly pushing out the thoughts he had on killing Madara to keep him quiet. “Infusing make-up with chakra, huh…?”

“I have family with noticeable scars on their face,” Madara explains. “Most shinobi wear them with pride, but we hide them in order to avoid detection. I’d elaborate, but…”

“I understand!” Hashirama says with a smile on his face. “It’s best not to say too much about our families.”

Tobirama can only bite her lip as she tries to ignore the discomfort bubbling in the pit of her stomach. The day that the two find out about each other is the day that moments like these will end. She knows that she isn’t supposed to be here…that it’s probably too early for the two to meet…

But there’s not a damn thing she can do about it now. What happens, happens. All she can do is hope that nothing bad comes out of this.

…

…

Nearly a month passes when Madara finally sees the two brothers again. A lot has changed since then, though he’d rather not say why…not yet, at least. He isn’t at all surprised to see Hashirama approaching him first, swiftly running across the water’s surface.

“It’s been a while,” Madara says, his expression as neutral as ever.

“It has.” Hashirama tries to force a smile.

“Something happen?” Madara looks at Tobirama, who continues skipping stones from the other side of the creek. “He hasn’t said anything…”

“He…hasn’t said anything in days.” Hashirama frowns. “During the mission, he…”

“ _Oh_ ,” is all Madara can say. There isn’t much that needed to be said, considering the conversation they had about a month ago.

“I…don’t know what to do.” Hashirama tugs down on his hair. “I miss hearing him talk…”

“I’m guessing that the shock was too much.” Madara scratches the back of his head. “I’ve had at least one relative go through the same thing as him.”

“H-How long did it last?” Hashirama looks expectantly at Madara.

“Almost two years—but not everyone is the same!” Madara is quick to reassure Hashirama after seeing the horrified look on his face. “I’m sure it’ll come and go, you just…have to be there for him.”

“I know, but it still hurts…” It especially hurts because it’s thanks to Tobirama that he’s still alive… “If it wasn’t for him, I’d…”

“Ahh…so _that’s_ what happened.” That certainly makes a lot of sense. “Is it alright if I talk to him?”

“I mean he doesn’t hate you, so go ahead.” Hashirama doesn’t know why Madara even asked.

Madara stares at Hashirama for a moment before shrugging off his comment.

…

…

“You looked at their face…didn’t you?” Tobirama isn’t at all surprised to see Madara at her side. He plops down right next to her, patiently waiting for an answer from her. Seeing as she can’t say anything, she only nods her head in response. “That’s not good.”

_No shit._

Sometimes, she can still see that asshole’s face in her dreams. The way the life in his eyes faded as she plunged her kunai deep into his jugular… It wasn’t a pretty sight and she wishes that she can just forget about it…but how can she, when he almost killed Hashirama?

_If I hadn’t…_

Tobirama sniffs, trying her hardest to blink back the tears that were welling up in her eyes.

“At least you saved your brother.” It’s kind of obvious how awkward it is for Madara to talk about stuff like this, but Tobirama at least appreciates the thought of him even trying in the first place. “Unlike me…”

_Huh?_

“I…also went on a mission, like you,” he begins, not knowing himself why he is even opening up like this. It’s not often that he has a chance to talk about the things that bother him—not without his family chastising him for it. “It was my youngest brother’s first mission. I was there to help him out, but…”

But…

But…

_But_ …

“He was only four years old…” Far too young to go on any missions, but Madara’s father wasn’t the type of person to change his mind over “trivial things” such as age—not when it worked out so well for Madara himself. And because of that, his youngest brother is dead… “To be honest, I’m kind of jealous…”

He’s jealous that Hashirama got to keep his younger brother…

“I’m sorry.” Madara turns his head, somewhat surprised to see Hashirama, who has tears streaming down his cheeks. “I didn’t know that you lost your little brother.”

“It’s fine,” Madara says, even though he knows that it isn’t. “I’ll get used to it.”

“You won’t.” Hashirama wipes away the tears in his eyes. “No matter how many times it happens, you’ll _never_ get used to it.”

Hashirama considers himself lucky that he hasn’t lost any of his siblings, but…that doesn’t take away the pain that he feels from losing so many of his relatives. A few times, he was there when they had died…just like his mother.

“You shouldn’t have to treat it like something that just happens.” Hashirama _hates_ that it’s something that happens so often to them. “Because it’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair,” Madara tries to argue, only for Hashirama to suddenly slap him upside the head. “Ow!”

“Life might not be fair, but it doesn’t have to be this way.” Hashirama sniffs loudly. “It doesn’t have to be like this…”

“But it is…” Madara sighs, taking a moment to tend to the painful imprint on his face. “Geez, you didn’t have to hit me so hard…”

“How else was I going to get you to understand?” Hashirama doesn’t want Madara to turn into the type of people that enable this sort of life. “Do you really want more people to end up like your brother…or like Tobirama?”

Hashirama looks down at Tobirama, who hugs her knees closer to her chest. He reaches down to ruffle her hair, feeling somewhat relieved when she swats his hand away.

“My father wouldn’t listen to me…and because of that, my youngest brother is dead.” There’s a pain in his chest that won’t go away. No matter how much time passes, it still hurts so much… “It hurts so fucking much…”

Madara can feel the tears sliding down his cheeks. He hates how emotional that he’s become…and hates that he can’t let it all out as often as he wishes he could.

“I think about the day that the rest of my younger brothers will have to go out on their first missions,” Hashirama says, his gaze focused on the creek. “I think about how easy it is to lose your life… It can happen at any moment, without any warning…”

That’s how Hazuki had died…

That’s how Itsuki had died…

And that’s likely how he’ll die, if things keep up like this.

“Life really isn’t fair, huh?” Madara wipes his eyes on the back of his sleeve. He takes a moment to pat Tobirama on the back, having noticed her crying. “I’m sure you’ll get your voice back one day.”

“By the way—thank you for the advice,” Hashirama says. “Infusing make-up with chakra makes it harder for the water to wash it away. It was raining a lot on that day…”

“Yeah, that’s why I suggested it.” The alternative to wearing make-up is ensuring that there are no witnesses, which is a lot harder than it seems. Regardless of how efficient one is, there is always one person who slips away unnoticed, who gets to live to tell the tale. “It also helps the make-up look a lot more natural than it normally would.”

“Sometimes, Tobirama forgets that he’s wearing make-up, so I have to remind him to wash his face.” Hashirama smiles, deciding to change the subject of the conversation. “He forgets to do a lot of things.”

“Like what?” Madara turns to Hashirama, his curiosity effectively piqued.

“Like combing his hair…taking baths…changing clothes—he’s honestly a mess!” Hashirama laughs out loud, realizing just how ridiculous Tobirama can be. “Who even does that?”

“Oh…I have some relatives like that,” Madara says, recalling the memories he has of them. “I think it’s a condition of some sort. Like…it’s not that they forget to do something like that, it’s more that they don’t have the energy to force themselves to do something so simple.”

“Really?” Hashirama’s eyes widen. “Oh crap—I’m sorry, Tobi-chan! I didn’t mean to poke fun at you.”

Tobirama only nods her head, taking a moment to reach out and pinch Hashirama’s cheek.

“Sorry, sorry!” Hashirama continues to apologize. “I’ll help you out if it’s too much trouble for you…”

“You shouldn’t coddle him like that,” Madara says, letting out an annoyed whine when Hashirama suddenly grabs him by the nose. “Hey!!”

“Sometimes, you just have to help people, you know?!” Hashirama doesn’t know how he and Madara have gotten along so well when the two of them are as different as night and day. “I know that you can’t do everything for others, but…you should at least help them out if something is wrong with them.”

“That’s not how it works back home…” Madara removes Hashirama’s hand off of his nose. “But I understand where you’re coming from…”

Maybe if some of his other relatives had helped out when they should have, Madara wouldn’t have lost family to suicide…

“You know…” Hashirama rubs the bridge of his nose. “I’d actually be sad if you suddenly stopped showing up one day.”

“Man, don’t get all sappy on me.” Madara tries to ignore the heat rushing to his cheeks. He’s never been around people so open with their own emotions…

“But I mean it!” Hashirama whines, laughing when Tobirama suddenly latches onto his arm and Madara’s arm, pulling the three of them closer. “See? Even Tobirama feels the same!”

“You guys are weird!” Madara runs his fingers through his hair, not knowing how to deal with the two idiots beside him. “But…thank you for coming back alive.”

Though he tries to hide it, he is actually relieved to see the two of them again. It still hurts to know that his youngest brother is dead…but at the very least, his friends aren’t dead.

_“Friends…”_ Madara thinks about it for a second, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. _“I like that.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO LIKE IT’S BEEN LIKE HALF A YEAR, BUT I’M STILL ALIVE!!
> 
> And I might have been dragged back into _Black Butler_ / _Kuroshitsuji_ hell, if you guys haven’t noticed my new SI fic, lmaooo (someone HELP ME). I’ve also been distracted by _Fate/Grand Order_ Summer events (TRY HAVING THREE NA ACCOUNTS AND TWO JP ACCOUNTS) and also the new bronze servants in JP. There’s also _Fire Emblem: Three Houses_ , so uhhh…expect something out of that.
> 
> That aside, I have summer classes and I’ve been studying at the side for my final on Monday, so I hope you enjoy what I managed to write out in like a couple of days, despite the many distractions in my way.
> 
> Not a lot of sibling dynamics with the other Senju siblings in this chapter, but we did get some Madara interactions. And seeing as I have free-range here with what goes on during this period of time, this is pretty much what came out. Madara is like eight and three of his four brothers are already dead. He’s already interacting with Hashirama a lot earlier than usual, since both Itama and Kawarama are still alive, so…that’s something to consider.
> 
> Tobirama is also there and she knows better about the consequences of her canon counterpart, how he had a part in Izuna’s death, so…she can at least guarantee that Izuna won’t die by her hands. That still doesn’t make her any less anxious to watch Hashirama and Madara interact with each other.
> 
> By the by, Madara still does think she’s a boy, but reminder what I said in the first chapter in case any of y’all are worried for the shipping games (I’m seeing some of y’all starting and I’m just gonna let you guys go wild since we have quite a while before any of that actually gets serious).
> 
> That aside, with everything that goes on around the Warring States Period, sometimes, you gotta let kids be kids…which is what’s going on with these kiddos. They’re not exactly happy with the life they’ve been forced into, Madara especially, and unlike Hashirama and Tobirama, he doesn’t exactly have the luxury to voice his complaints—not with his dad being the way he is.
> 
> Difference between Butsuma and Tajima, basically…of course, it helps that Butsuma had an intervention with Tobirama. Tajima, on the other hand??
> 
> Not so much.
> 
> Anyways, do feel free to leave a comment, because I crave that validation and it is what's been keeping me motivated to write, despite being overwhelmed with my studies. While I haven't been responding, just know that I have been reading every comment I have received so far. So to those who have been commenting…thank you so very much! ^^
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, because I sure did! Until next time, everyone!


	4. The Respite

Tobirama watches Kawarama carefully as he shows her some of the hand gestures that he’s learned from some of their relatives. Most of the difficulty is getting her hands to accurately replicate his gestures. It takes time, but at the very least, she has some means of communication.

“I just wanted to find a way to help you talk!” Kawarama later explains as he goes through his scrolls of notes. It’s a detailed compilation of common signs from his deaf and mute cousins, who were more than happy to help him when he suggested a way to share their knowledge with the rest of their clan. “Since you won’t always have something to write with, I thought that maybe using your hands would be enough like with some of our cousins…”

It resulted in the development of some sort of sign language, still in its early stages while Kawarama waits for his cousins to decide on what stays and what goes. There is a lot to improve upon, but at its core, it functions as a stable form of communication. Sure, it takes some time to teach both Itama and Hashirama how to use it, but once they get the hang of it, Tobirama no longer has to worry about letting her brothers know how she is doing.

For the time being, Tobirama is made to stay behind while Butsuma takes Hashirama out on missions. Butsuma would rather not risk his only daughter’s life when she is incapable of speaking. One does not need a voice to use most ninjutsu, but…it certainly helps to have one.

It’s a lot harder for Tobirama to use ninjutsu while she is without her voice. More often than not, she is hurt by her own chakra discharge. Too much discharge burns her hands, leaving noticeable marks for Butsuma and the others to see.

He often scolds her, telling her that for the time being, she is forbidden from using any ninjutsu. She still tries anyways, her thoughts flooded with the legacy that her canon counterpart left behind.

_The Forbidden Scroll…_

She thinks a lot about the many techniques that she’s supposed to create… Thinks about how frustrating it is that she can’t even do anything with the knowledge she already has. She’s been setback by her own limitations, caused by trauma that still plagues her thoughts.

She looks over her shoulder at Kawarama, who is focused on helping Itama keep a leaf stuck to his forehead. It surprises both her and Kawarama when Itama turns the tables and manages to stick the leaf on a wall after it wouldn’t stay on his forehead. He laughs and claps his hands, happy that he managed to get the leaf to stick onto _something_.

Meanwhile, both Kawarama and Tobirama have no idea what to make with their youngest brother’s sudden efforts. He’s a lot younger than any of them had been when they first managed to tap into their chakra.

“Should we tell Otou-sama?” Kawarama asks Tobirama, who signs him a quick answer. “Why do _I_ have to be the one who does it?!”

_“Because you can speak,”_ Tobirama signs with a smug smile on her face.

“Anejaaaaa!” Kawarama whines. “You’re so meaaaaaaaannnnnn…”

“Meaaaaaaaaannnn!!” Itama repeats, laughing afterwards with how Kawarama musses up his hair. “Love you!!”

Tobirama sighs as she runs her fingers through her hair. She wracks her brain for any memory she might have had on Itama. None of it gives her anything on the possibility that the youngest Senju sibling might have been a prodigy… Although, it could certainly explain _why_ he was completely on his own in that horrific image she has of him, just moments before his death.

_That’s comforting…_

Tobirama grimaces when she recalls the painful expression on Madara’s face as he told her and Hashirama about his youngest brother. She thinks about how that could’ve been _her_ youngest brother, had her father not been so adamant on waiting until he is five years old… She knows that certain members of the Senju clan have been pushing to send out their children at an even earlier age to replace the lives that have been lost.

They have their reasons, considering how uneven the ratio between children to adults has become within this clan. It’s not a very good reason, but a reason nonetheless. Eventually, there will come a time that Bustuma has to bend to the will of those around him…

But until that day comes, Tobirama focuses on practicing her ninjutsu, regardless of the pain that it causes her.

_Work through the pain!_

_Just power through it…_

She hisses through clenched teeth, hating how sensitive her hands have become. It makes it difficult for her to sign, which in turn annoys Kawarama, after all the effort he went through to help his older sister. She smiles sheepishly at him as he scolds her.

“You shouldn’t do this to yourself, Aneja…” Kawarama carefully applies a medicinal ointment to Tobirama’s hands. “You’re only hurting yourself…”

As soon as he finishes bandaging her hands, Kawarama wraps his arms around Tobirama in an embrace.

“Please don’t hurt yourself…” he tells her, hoping that she stops acting so recklessly. “Please, Aneja?”

Tobirama bites her lip, feeling absolutely guilty for worrying her brother like this… She places her hand on top of his head, her fingers soon gently running through his hair. The ointment numbs the pain in her hands, making it easier for her to use her hands like this.

She still wants to practice for the future, when she’s ready to start recreating the legacy that her canon counterpart had created. But for the time being, she decides that she’ll at least wait for her voice to come back… Just so she doesn’t worry her little brother any more…

…

…

“What happened here?” Madara is quick to notice the bandages covering her hands.

Tobirama tries her hardest to answer his question, using gestures that at least give him an idea of what happened.

“Still using your chakra, huh?” Madara sighs, feeling somewhat exasperated over how little self-control Tobirama had. “At least wait until your voice comes back, otherwise you can permanently damage the nerves around your hands.”

That…caught Tobirama by surprise. She stares at him with wide-eyes, somewhat horrified with the knowledge that she almost caused herself permanent damage.

“You mean you didn’t know?!” Madara is appalled at how little Tobirama knows. “Chakra burns are not something to take lightly! I’ve had cousins who have lost all feeling in their hands because of how often they were burn by their own chakra.”

Be it, the fault lies entirely in their fathers forcing them beyond their limits to learn their clan’s techniques. That still doesn’t change the fact that Tobirama willingly did this to herself.

“Geez, no wonder Hashirama treats you the way he does.” Madara shakes his head. “You’re too naïve.”

Tobirama narrows her eyes. She would love to tell Madara to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine, but all that comes out of her mouth when she opens it is silence. It really annoys her that Madara can get away with saying crap like that…

_At least let me respond to it!_

“How badly burned are your hands?” Madara asks, catching her by surprise.

Tobirama shrugs.

“Let me see.” Madara isn’t at all surprised when Tobirama suddenly swipes at his face. “I’ll be gentle—I promise!”

Without any warning, Madara lunges after Tobirama and tackles her to the ground.

_Thud!_

As tall as she is for her age, Tobirama is still at a complete disadvantage compared to someone who is three years older than her. Madara easily has her pinned underneath his weight as he carefully removes the bandages wrapped around her hands. He ignores the way she squirms underneath him, closely examining the burns on the palms of her hands.

“Hmm…not too serious.” The nerves aren’t at risk for permanent damage… “Ow!”

Tobirama grins when she manages to dig her nails into Madara’s skin.

“Geez, you’re like an angry cat!” Madara says as he releases Tobirama’s hands. He considers himself fortunate that she doesn’t do anything else, besides sticking her tongue out at him. “Your hair even reminds me of one…”

It’s just as soft and fluffy as the cats that linger around his clan’s compound…

“Do you like fish?” Madara finds himself asking.

Tobirama blinks and tilts her head to the side.

_Where the hell did **that** come from?_

Madara doesn’t explain anything. Instead, he gets off of Tobirama and helps her stand up. He’s careful when he holds her hands, trying his hardest to not irritate the sensitive skin. Afterwards, he reaches into his kimono and pulls the onigiri he had been given for lunch. It’s wrapped in bamboo, so he makes sure to pull off the tie and unwrap it before offering Tobirama some of his lunch.

“These might be a little squished, but they should still taste good,” he tells her. “The filling is salmon, though some of it has roe…”

Madara doesn’t even try to hide his distaste for roe. A part of him feels that he and Izuna had their lunches mixed up with each other, considering that Izuna absolutely _adores_ roe, unlike him…

“Oh—don’t worry,” Madara reassures Tobirama, having noticed the questioning look she was giving him. “I’m not that hungry.”

Not after he accidentally ate one of the roe-filled onigiri…

“Anyways, just take it!” Madara stuffs an onigiri into Tobirama’s mouth. “You should try to gain some more weight.”

Tobirama glares at him, obviously annoyed with his comments. Of course, she can’t exactly say anything, so she just chews the food in her mouth and swallows. She grabs another of the onigiri that Madara is offering her, feeling oddly content despite having eaten not too long ago.

As soon as she’s done eating, Madara helps her rebandage her hands, flicking her forehead afterwards as a reminder to stop being so reckless.

“Take better care of yourself,” he tells her, sounding somewhat annoyed. “Hashirama is supposed to be your brother, not me.”

The comment alone creates a mental image that Tobirama would prefer not to have.

_Jesus **fuck** , I dodged a bullet…_

Don’t get her wrong—being a Senju kind of sucks…but at least she isn’t an Uchiha.

_I have enough trauma already…_

Tobirama sighs and reaches up to pat Madara on the head. She hopes he doesn’t turn into the asshole he was in the manga… It’d really _suck_ to lose a friend like that.

_Yeah…he’s my friend._

It’s strange, but…Tobirama doesn’t hate that. It’s actually rather nice, even if Madara can be a showoff at times…

_I hope Hashirama comes home safe._

Tobirama misses that dork and the way he manages to get on Madara’s nerves. He always knows what to say, which is helpful when she can’t even say a single word.

Until then, Tobirama passes the time just annoying Madara. There’s not much he can do, with the way Tobirama is, so he just lets her, thinking she’ll eventually tire herself out…

Which is _exactly_ what happens, so for the next few hours, Madara finds himself watching over Tobirama until she wakes up from her nap. He buries his face in the palms of his hands, wondering how it is that Tobirama can be so trusting towards an outsider. He asks himself why he even lets her, when he’s still so apprehensive towards her and Hashirama.

He runs his fingers anxiously through his hair, not knowing what to do when the day comes that the three will have to part ways. It’s only a matter of time, but…a part of him wants to keep seeing them. As frustrating as Hashirama can be, it’s nice to have someone around who criticizes the shit that they’re put through by their own clans. It vindicates his grievances, instead of forcing him to bury it with the rest of his emotions.

Tobirama, however… Madara doesn’t know where his feelings toward the younger child stand. It’s a muddy mix of curiosity and concern, likely because of how much of Izuna that he sees in Tobirama. The two are closer in age, though they certainly have different viewpoints. A part of Madara wants to drag Izuna to meet with Tobirama—just to see how the two interact.

He decides against it, not knowing how much of his father’s teachings have gotten through to Izuna. Being younger, Izuna is a lot more impressionable about the things he is taught. He doesn’t think twice about it, which worries Madara. It worries him because it means that his father, Tajima, is succeeding where he thinks he failed with Madara.

Madara sighs loudly, feeling somewhat exhausted. His hand reaches down to pet Tobirama’s hair, taking note of how much longer it has gotten. He briefly recalls the comment he heard from Hashirama, explaining how hesitant his father had gotten in cutting Tobirama’s hair.

Madara doesn’t know why it’s such a big deal. So long as it doesn’t get in the way, it should be fine. That’s how it’s always been for his clan, where some of his cousins have used it as part of their training. The longer their hair, the more caution they need to ensure it doesn’t get caught on anything or grabbed. Of course, considering what he’s heard from Hashirama about Tobirama’s lack of grooming habits…then it’s understandable why he’d make such comments.

“Geez, you really _are_ a mess.” Madara can’t run his fingers through Tobirama’s hair without them catching on any tangles.

Come the next day, Tobirama’s voice makes a miraculous return when Madara forces a tsuge comb through her hair, meticulously working his way through the tangles until the strands of hair were silky-smooth to the touch.

“Is this what you put up with your older brother?” Madara asks Tobirama afterwards.

“Y-Y-Yessss…” Tobirama has a difficult time keeping her voice steady. It’s annoying, but she’s just so happy to have her voice back. “Th-Thanks.”

“It’s nothing—just make sure to actually comb your hair,” Madara says as he hands Tobirama the comb. He bought it just a few hours ago, when he was making his way through the village on his way toward the creek. “I won’t be as gentle next time.”

It’s a lie, but he hopes that it motivates Tobirama enough to actually _try_ and maintain her grooming habits…at least, long enough until Hashirama returns. Until then, he sees an opportunity, now that Tobirama can talk again.

“Hey, try to say something without stuttering.” This is gonna take a while—Madara can just feel it in his bones, but _dammit_ , he wants Hashirama to smile a lot more and go back to his old self.

Tobirama tries saying something, but her stutter is so persistent, that she just gives up midway through a sentence. Honestly, she’d rather go back to sign language if it means not putting up with that annoyance…

“Don’t give up.” Madara flicks her on the nose. “Sure, it’ll be frustrating at first…but it’s something. Something is better than nothing—can you say that?”

“S-S-Something…” It’s exhausting to say more than one word at a time.

“Good.” Madara ruffles Tobirama’s hair. “Try to practice so when Hashirama comes home, you can greet him. I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear your voice again…although, I think the same can apply to the rest of your clan.”

Sure enough, Itama and Kawarama won’t shut up about it when they find out their older sister can talk again. Touka is the first to notify the adults when it comes to her attention, telling them to do something special. As young as she is, Touka does have enough influence to convince a few adults to her side. That evening, Tobirama gorges herself on the fish that she’s served for dinner. Touka sits at her side, filling her bowl with rice until she’s certain it’s enough.

As usual, Kawarama steals from Tobirama’s plate, though he refuses to touch her fish, knowing better than to get in the way of his older sister and her favorite food. Itama, however, slides his plate of fish towards Tobirama. He refuses to eat any of it until Tobirama starts feeding him herself. That, in turn, encourages Kawarama to do the same until Tobirama is feeding both Kawarama and Itama by hand.

It’s such childish behavior, but…Tobirama doesn’t mind. In fact, she kinda likes it…just seeing her younger brothers acting like _actual_ children. It also takes some of the attention on her and her stutter. It’s just nice and makes her feel a lot more confident about being able to speak again.

The amount of chakra in the room that she can sense makes her skin prickle uncomfortably. She tolerates it at first because of the food she’s served, but then she somehow manages to ignore it all when she’s served anmitsu for dessert.

That night, she goes to bed without any issues. She doesn’t push Itama and Kawarama away when they climb into her futon. When she wakes up the next morning, it’s underneath both of her brothers. She shoves them off of herself, laughing when they both complain to her about their rude awakening. They laugh along with her, just happy to hear her voice again.

That afternoon, she heads to the creek to tell Madara all about last night, only…

He never shows up. An hour passes, and Tobirama is still on her own, skipping stones across the water’s surface.

“D-Damn…” Tobirama has a feeling that Madara got dragged out on a mission. It sucks, but…all she can do is wait for him to come back. The thing that annoys her the most is that he never told her anything about it…although, chances are, he’s just as surprised as she is. Hopefully, he comes back safely…

_He’s Madara—it’ll be fine._

That still doesn’t stop her from worrying about him.

…

The days pass and soon, Tobirama finds herself approached by Touka.

“Hey, Tobi-chan—do you wanna go somewhere with me?” Touka has a smile on her face as she eagerly waits for Tobirama’s response.

“Wh-Where to?” Tobirama tilts her head to the side.

“To the village,” Touka replies. “Today’s the summer festival and I just recently got paid, so…I just wanted to do something special for you.”

Tobirama blinks. “Special…?”

Touka nods her head. “I’ve noticed you’ve been growing out your hair, and it made me start thinking about the clothes you wear…”

“So…?” Tobirama wants to know where Touka is going with this.

“Do you wanna have a girls’ day out?” Touka smiles widely, her body somewhat shaking with excitement. “It’s my treat!”

Tobirama blinks again. “Uhhh…sure?”

It’s not like she has anything better to do while she waits for Hashirama and Madara to return and as fun as it is to hang out with Kawarama and Itama, sometimes…she needs a break. It’s exhausting to hang with such energetic children for long periods of time.

Touka just about squeezes the air out of Tobirama when she throws her arms around her in a tight embrace.

“Let me just fix your make-up before we go.” Touka wants to make sure that Tobirama’s facial markings are completely hidden from view, especially around civilians who might unintentionally give crucial information to other shinobi.

It’s about half an hour later when Tobirama finds herself trying on yukata after yukata after yukata. Touka has long since shed her usual clothes for a pink floral-patterned yukata with a dark red obi. She was looking at the hair accessories put on display in the shop, using the mirror each time to check how each accessory would look against her hair.

When the day came that Touka was finally allowed to make the change, she did so immediately. Gone were the clothes that she was forced to wear in order to disguise her gender, and in their place was clothing that was more suitable for girls her age. It’s been almost two years and not a day goes by where Touka doesn’t regret her decision.

Tobirama still has another five years to go before she’s allowed to make the same decision…that is, if she chooses to. Touka knows that life can be quite unpredictable. A person can go one day, thinking that they have everything figured out, only to throw all that out the window come the next day.

For the most part, Tobirama seems to have a good grasp on her identity. Whether or not that will change is a decision that is entirely up to her. It’s her choice, after all… So long as she’s happy, then it should be fine.

Until then, Touka just wants to spend some time with Tobirama as she is now, free to do as she pleases in a setting where they can briefly forget about their shinobi heritage. Like Hashirama, Touka wants the fighting to end. She’s trying her hardest to get more and more adults on her side as she continues working her way up the ranks within their clan. It’s getting harder and harder with each passing year, as more and more adults die off. She’s only so fortunate that Butsuma has long since had a change of heart, otherwise, Touka would have been forced to watch more of her relatives being sent out on missions at such a young age.

Five years old is still too young…but it’s still better than three or four.

“T-T-Touka-saaaannnn…” Tobirama whines, having grown tired of the many yukata she was forced to try on. “H-How ‘bout this?”

Touka looks away from the mirror, a wide smile forming on her lips as she takes a good look at the yukata that Tobirama is wearing. It’s of a deep purple color, decorated with lightly-colored sakura blossoms and a few butterflies that almost seemed to glow. The obi tied around her waist is of a red and white color, which matches her eyes and hair. It’s a nice look overall that makes Touka want to buy it immediately.

They leave the shop afterwards, hand in hand, just talking about trivial things. Touka makes a game out of saying random words in an attempt to help Tobirama practice around her stutter. It encourages her to talk to a shop vendor for an order of takoyaki that was being cooked on a cast-iron pan over a grill. The vendor is an old man, who compliments her on her yukata.

“Here, have a few extra on me,” he says, handing over the takoyaki on small wooden boat. “My daughter and her husband run the shop, so call it a favor for helpin’ her out.”

Tobirama thanks the old man, quickly sharing her takoyaki with Touka after she pays the man. They look around the many stalls, contemplating on buying more food after they finish off the takoyaki or try to play some of the games.

The former ends up winning when the smell of freshly-cooked yakisoba reaches their nose. Touka alternates between feeding yakisoba to Tobirama and herself, the two savoring the food with each bite. It’s as they’re eating that they run into a couple of their cousins, who are in the midst of trying to catch a fish with a poi.

Tobirama rarely interacts with the rest of her clan outside of her own direct family and Touka, though that doesn’t stop her from familiarizing herself with her twin cousins, Daiki and Hideki. The two are mirror images of each other, with dark eyes, tan skin, and brown hair. The only differences between the two are the sides of how their bangs are parted. They’re about the same age as Touka, talking so casually with her as they try to catch another fish.

“Is anyone else here?” Touka asks as she brings some more yakisoba into Tobirama’s mouth with her chopsticks.

“Hmmm…” Daiki pauses for a moment. “I think Honoka and Kaede are challenging each other at katanuki…or did they just give up and go get some taiyaki?”

“I’d check both,” Hideki suggests. “Or not…your choice. Also, hello, Tobi-chan—enjoying your day out?”

Tobirama nods her head eagerly as she chews her food.

“Hehe, so cute!” A light blush dusts Daiki’s cheeks red. “You picked a nice yukata for her…just don’t let any of the adults find out. They’ll get mad.”

“Assholes,” Hideki swears under his breath, letting out another curse when his poi breaks. “Hey, can I get another?!”

“Have fun!” Touka tells them before gently urging Tobirama to move along with her.

“A-Am I not…s-suppose to wear this?” Tobirama asks, Daiki’s words still fresh in her mind.

“You’re not supposed to until you’re ten, but…screw the adults.” They’re not around, so Touka and Tobirama are free to do what they want. “You’re not on a mission anyways, so there isn’t any reason why you should hide it.”

“Mmhmm.” Tobirama understands. “C-Can we get some t-taiyaki?”

“Sure!” Touka replies. “Remember, it’s my treat! So feel free to ask me for anything!”

As it turns out, Honoka and Kaede are at the taiyaki stall, eating away their frustrations for losing at katanuki. Kaede is a girl about Hashirama’s age, with short, black hair messily pinned up with a hairpin. Like Tobirama, Kaede is usually dressed in clothing suitable for boys, with the exception of this time as both she and Tobirama enjoy their time out.

“This suuuucksssss…” Kaede whines as she takes another bite from her fish-shaped taiyaki.

“At least the taiyaki’s as good as always…” Honoka sighs in exasperation. Unlike Kaede, Honoka is a lot closer to Touka in age. She is, of course, somewhat older by at least a year, with hair much longer than hers and of a lighter shade of brown. She is quite pretty, with a tiny mole that dots the area underneath her right eye.

Like the twins, Tobirama hasn’t interacted much with Honoka and Kaede, though by the end of the day, she makes fast friends with the two. They voice their complaints to each other, sharing similar grievances with the death of their relatives. Honoka has recently become an orphan, while Kaede still has her mother. Touka is far more fortunate than the three of them, still having both of her parents.

“For how long, I have no clue…” Touka pops the cork off her hyōtan flask and takes a drink from it. “Haa…if you want any, just let me know. It’s just amazake, not sake—I don’t like sake.”

Kaede is the first to take a drink from Touka’s flask. “Where do you even get this?”

“I helped a merchant travel safely with his wares, so whenever a certain shopkeeper gets goods from another village, there’s a package set aside specifically for me.” Touka winks and smiles. “It’s great!”

“Lucky!” Honoka huffs. “All I got was flowers—and I’m pretty sure it’s because they were smitten.”

“Ohhhh~, Honoka’s got an admirer!” Touka playfully jabs her elbow into Honoka’s side. “Tell us the details!”

“It’s the flower shop’s daughter, though she always has to give them to me in secret.” Honoka frowns. “I’m sure she’s just happy that I helped her father get home safe…”

“Is she cute?” Touka teases Honoka.

“Y-Yeah…” Honoka’s face turns red with a blush. “She’s around my age, but… I don’t think it’s something that her parents would approve. Her name’s Ume, by the way…”

“C-Cute name!” Tobirama remarks, trying to add to the conversation.

“Very cute indeed!” Honoka nods her head confidently.

“Man, civilians must have it rougher.” Kaede sighs. “They’re so vulnerable and some of the things that they don’t allow don’t…make any sense. What’s wrong with Ume having a crush on you?”

“Civilians can be like that.” Honoka runs her fingers through her hair. “Although, if things keep up the way they are, I don’t mind if I steal away Ume into our clan.”

Honaka grins mischievously, earning a small bonk to the head from Touka.

“Make sure you do it right first!” Touka barks out a laugh.

“Don’t worry, don’t worry!” Honoka giggles. “Hey—if you guys ever find someone you like, let me know. I’ll help you out if you have any trouble, yeah?”

It’s nice, being surrounded by such supportive friends. Tobirama almost feels guilty for not interacting with anyone outside of her own brothers and Touka.

_Better late than never, I guess…_

They watch the fireworks together that night, with Daiki and Hideki soon joining them as they all enjoy their peaceful respite. A part of Tobirama wishes that Hashirama was around, though she quickly pushes those thoughts aside when she considers his reactions towards her wearing a yukata. It’d be too embarrassing…

_But…I guess it wouldn’t be that bad._

Especially if Madara was around…

_He really needs a break._

They all do, for being forced to grow up so soon. For having to risk their lives for the sake of their clan’s prosperity. There is so much that needs to change, though at the very least, she can see that she’s not alone.

_I’m not alone…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all, I’m out of class for the summer, but I go back in like two weeks, but otherwise, I’m just glad to have another chapter out so soon!
> 
> Unlike last chapter, there’s a lot of family bonding in this chapter. You have some world building at the side, especially with Kawarama helping develop what can be considered an early form of Konoha sign language. It’s not that sign language hasn’t existed before, but it’s more that it’s never been structured to such a detailed extent. Before, it was just something that differed from person to person, which is why Kawarama has been waiting for input from his cousins as they decide what they all agree on and what they don’t.
> 
> Being the Warring States Era, there is a lot that is only just starting to pop up that will eventually be passed down for years to come. So some of the world building I had in _Metamorphosis_ and _Butterfly Child_? It’s semi-nonexistent, due to the time period.
> 
> Things that still do exist, however, are the differences in attitudes between civilians and shinobi. Civilians versus shinobi stuff, basically—it’s nothing new in my works.
> 
> That aside, just to clarify the situation with Kaede and Tobirama, the thing is here that for the first ten years of their life, they don’t really have much of a choice in what they wear. While it’s done necessarily for their own safety, it can get frustrating to some when they want to take a break from the pressures of life. Again, it’s about a lack of choice here, which they’re not given until they are at least ten years old…which is an age they might not live long enough to reach.
> 
> These are just frustrations that the younger members of the clan have, as most of the adults in their lives have much more say in what they do, despite the fact that the children are slowly starting to outnumber the adults in the Senju clan.
> 
> As for the Uchiha clan, the opposite applies to them—that being that the adults outnumber the children in their clan. Consider this a result of the clan sending out their children when they are as young as four. Again, five is still too young, but four is even younger. There is a difference a year can make if you spend every single day training.
> 
> Moving on, it should be noted that Tobirama is aware of her canon counterpart’s legacy now, so expect her to start trying to make the many techniques that were put away in the Forbidden Scroll, which **bubbleLord16** on AO3 said can be summed up as, “Tobirama, NO.”
> 
> Whether or not she is just as successful depends on how inventive she can be. Hopefully, she gets somewhere, because her main motivation at the current moment is keeping her younger brothers alive.
> 
> Thank you guys so much for taking the time to comment! It’s the reason why I got this chapter up so soon, despite being overwhelmed with my studies! Please feel free to keep it up, because I **crave** that validation! While I haven't been responding (I’ll get to it eventually, I’m just a bit burned out right now), just know that I have been reading every comment I have received so far.
> 
> That’s about all I have for this chapter, so I hoped you guys enjoyed it very much! Until next time, everyone!


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